I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
