Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
