I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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