I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
