90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
