You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
