Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
