addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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