I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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