I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
