I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
