We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
