I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
no. you can't hotbox the world.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
