Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
