i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
