Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
