I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Randomize
