He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
