I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
