i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
