I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
