I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
