Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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