tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
