my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i wish my penis had a tongue
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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