Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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