those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
