FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
