i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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