ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
