Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
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