I should be sponsored by Trojan
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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