you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I think a kid would responsible me up
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Randomize
