Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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