i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I came so hard my ears popped.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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