I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
