please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
