i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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