Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
