did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
