his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
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