Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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