i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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