There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
