if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
