yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
