i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
