cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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