help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
