I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
