I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
