Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
