she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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